Everything in my life is this way, that way, up, down and side to side. its a confusing mess. And honestly, i'm about ready to give up on everything. My last post turned out to be nothing at all, and i still dont know how to feel about that. I went to drill last weekend, and i did have fun, but i cant help but feel like i'm missing something, and i dont know what it is. Things in my life are turning to crap, and sometimes i wish i could hit the rewind button and restart my life.
Dont get me wrong, i have alot of good things going for me right now, but i have just as many bad things going on also. I dont know if i really want to explain it, but alot of my past is catching up to me. i feel like ive been running from something that is too inevitable. My family and friends have always been there to support me, but i dont feel like anyone has truely understood me. I want a life where i can completely forget what high school was like and the people in it. This is not something i want anyone to take personal, its just things that have happened in my past. Ive been ready for over a year to leave this place, and should have when i had the chance, but then again, if i had then i wouldnt be with Derek right now.
Thats why i'm slowly pulling away from everyone i know, because they remind me too much of the past. Yeah, i know, you cant run from your past, because it catches up to you, but i have a chance to restart my life, and im going to do so. Wether or not i have to start over and make new friends. People are suppose to look back on high school as one of the easiest things they've ever done, because it is easy. But not me, high school has been one of the worst things in my life. I'll never look back and wish i was still here, because everything in this school has messed up my high school career. I'm done caring about high school, and almost all the people in it. I'm done and ready to start a new life.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Didnt want to go anyways =p
Well as it seems, my military future is going to be put on hold for a little while.. *sigh* i guess its kind of a good thing because i didnt really want to go, i just felt that i needed to get a stable future for myself, and really.. thats not a good reason for joining the military knowing that you cant handle it and would probably fail anyway.
I know y'all are probably curious on how i could put my military career on hold, well all i gotta say is that 9 months from now, it wont just be me and Derek anymore. =/ yeah, you guessed it. I'm pregnant.. i still dont have the 'proof' i am, but at this point in time i dont need it. Yeah you guys are probably thinking "why would she post this on her blog?" Well its to let people know that its very easy to mess up a future in the military, but im not upset over it. Derek is still going in the military, and ill be home barefoot in the kitchen with a baby on my hip.. truthfully thats been my dream from the start.
I could have probably made it in the military, but it wasnt something i really wanted to do. it was only to get a collage fund out of it... which people.. seriously dont do it only for college, because i know someone that did and he absolutely hates being in the Army. As for me, i know that i have an okay future ahead of me. Its not what my family wants, but you gotta work with what God gives ya. and hey.. im still okay. Oh and fyi, i'm not ashamed of being pregnant, i dont care what people say, and frankly people that arent ashamed of what people think are the people with the most heart and the biggest pair of balls =p.
*Bug&Peguins 4ever* =D
I know y'all are probably curious on how i could put my military career on hold, well all i gotta say is that 9 months from now, it wont just be me and Derek anymore. =/ yeah, you guessed it. I'm pregnant.. i still dont have the 'proof' i am, but at this point in time i dont need it. Yeah you guys are probably thinking "why would she post this on her blog?" Well its to let people know that its very easy to mess up a future in the military, but im not upset over it. Derek is still going in the military, and ill be home barefoot in the kitchen with a baby on my hip.. truthfully thats been my dream from the start.
I could have probably made it in the military, but it wasnt something i really wanted to do. it was only to get a collage fund out of it... which people.. seriously dont do it only for college, because i know someone that did and he absolutely hates being in the Army. As for me, i know that i have an okay future ahead of me. Its not what my family wants, but you gotta work with what God gives ya. and hey.. im still okay. Oh and fyi, i'm not ashamed of being pregnant, i dont care what people say, and frankly people that arent ashamed of what people think are the people with the most heart and the biggest pair of balls =p.
*Bug&Peguins 4ever* =D
Friday, May 4, 2012
People....suck
All i really want to say is that i cant wait to be done with the people in high school...
Everyone is so fake and immature. if there was a grow up button for people, i'd gladly help
push that stupid fucking button for them.
As soon as i walk across that damn stage, i will be gone forever... thank God! i just wish people would take the time to think before the say something to people. When you know you can filter your mouth, but choose not to, then you know your just like every other annoying person in this damn world.
People dont change and will never change, there are 40 year olds who act like they're in high school. All you gotta do is watch your back and dont trust a damn person with things that they WILL use against you.
nothing personal here, just stating facts and cant wait to be done with EVERYONE, in this damn school.. except Derek of course. =) k... thats my rant
Everyone is so fake and immature. if there was a grow up button for people, i'd gladly help
push that stupid fucking button for them.
As soon as i walk across that damn stage, i will be gone forever... thank God! i just wish people would take the time to think before the say something to people. When you know you can filter your mouth, but choose not to, then you know your just like every other annoying person in this damn world.
People dont change and will never change, there are 40 year olds who act like they're in high school. All you gotta do is watch your back and dont trust a damn person with things that they WILL use against you.
nothing personal here, just stating facts and cant wait to be done with EVERYONE, in this damn school.. except Derek of course. =) k... thats my rant
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Big steps =)
So yesterday i went to Fort Drum to "check in" cause thats where i'll be stationed. Its HUGE up there. My recruiter and I spent an hour getting lost.. fun right? nope. So i got fitted for my acu's. and also my dress greens. Now i just need my head fitted for a hat. I felt so out of place being a new soldier without a uniform. Everywhere i went i saw soldiers and then family of soldiers who are on active duty.
Thats what brings me to my next topic. I have recently swayed Derek to join the Army with me. Recently as in today lmao =). Hes going to be doing active duty, and i am Reserve. So the plan is, that were getting married this summer. So far we only have the date set which is July 20th. =). My plans are to save up from my summer job and get my dress, our license, and my family will help with wedding bands. Yes, some of you are like "get married out of high school? are you FUCKING NUTS!?>.<" The answers yes. like i said in an earlier post. I do honestly love Derek, and hes someone that i share alot in common with so my question to you is why not?
Once we are married, i will be stationed with him, so we both will do alot of traveling, and then once we get out, we'll be able to get a house and get remarried. Yes yes sounds that easy in words right? well... its not, but were both willing to put up with each others shit all the time, i mean we live together, we dont get a break from each other except in school. So joining the Army will give us that distance time we need, and we will still be together.. make sense?... good =).
Im definietly stoaked to be in the Army Reserve. I have a wonderful future ahead of me, and i get to do what i love doing, which is playing with guns. I live by routine, and take direction very well, so i think i'll do very well in the Army. =D
Thats what brings me to my next topic. I have recently swayed Derek to join the Army with me. Recently as in today lmao =). Hes going to be doing active duty, and i am Reserve. So the plan is, that were getting married this summer. So far we only have the date set which is July 20th. =). My plans are to save up from my summer job and get my dress, our license, and my family will help with wedding bands. Yes, some of you are like "get married out of high school? are you FUCKING NUTS!?>.<" The answers yes. like i said in an earlier post. I do honestly love Derek, and hes someone that i share alot in common with so my question to you is why not?
Once we are married, i will be stationed with him, so we both will do alot of traveling, and then once we get out, we'll be able to get a house and get remarried. Yes yes sounds that easy in words right? well... its not, but were both willing to put up with each others shit all the time, i mean we live together, we dont get a break from each other except in school. So joining the Army will give us that distance time we need, and we will still be together.. make sense?... good =).
Im definietly stoaked to be in the Army Reserve. I have a wonderful future ahead of me, and i get to do what i love doing, which is playing with guns. I live by routine, and take direction very well, so i think i'll do very well in the Army. =D
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)