College Experiences

                 I have no idea where to begin, so i guess.. I'll go as far back as I can recall.

        My elementary years for school were the absolute best. I didn't have to worry about anything.. all of my friends were still genuine friends, and I could still be my complete self around everyone..   Given I was a bit of a bully in elementary school, I got what was coming to me in the years to follow. 

     At the time, I had many friends, I was a straight A student, and my family was still my whole entire world. As time passed, and everyone around me, including myself changed, others became fake, and I became lost. All of the friends that I thought I had, completely turned their back on me.  
I didn't know how to feel about that, or who to talk to.. so I didn't. 

Middle school was the worst two years of my life. I had barely any friends, but was grateful for the ones I did have. I was entering the stage of wanting a boyfriend, but had no clue who i really liked, or who I thought was even "cute." I use to really love school, but at that point, all I wanted to do is run as far as I could from that school. 

High school wasn't much better, in fact it was worse! Given, I made new friends, and kept old ones... it just felt like one big lie. Everyone around me were so fake that I still felt trapped.. so i gave in and allowed myself to conform to the group.  I got myself into alot of tight spots because I wasn't sure who was the best to hang out with. The people that I thought were genuinely my friend were just really good at putting on faces. I started to sit back and watch at how fake the whole situation was... it was overwhelming. People crying because their boyfriend didn't call them, or people making big deals of having a principle that caught them making out in hallways. It was all very immature, and yes I have been apart of the immaturity. Though I could have changed my behavior, I was afraid of having people judge me, and left my voice behind. Sometimes I wish that I could go back and let every thought, opinion, judgement out, because eventually everyone would find out that I was right the whole time. 

I was so terrified that college was going to be the same, that everyone was going to be extremely fake, that I didn't enroll right away. I took a year off... thought about joining the military. Backed out like a twit... and then enrolled to Alfred State College.
The night before I doomed myself here... I hoped that something happened where I had to stay a few more days.. or just not go. 

But sure enough, the next morning I found myself lugging my stuff into the truck and on the road here before I could understand fully what was happening. New people and new places are just more ways that I could be shunned, and looked down on, and i wasn't ready for that. When we got here, my anxiety was through the roof. I hoped that my roommate wouldn't be annoyed by me, and that we could at least get along. 

Sure enough, she was great! Always so polite and very dorky.. just like me! The best part of being at college, is that no one knows you.. not one of these people grew up with you, they don't know the cruel things said about you in high school. Though, the first few days.. i barely left my room because I was too frightened.  My roommate eventually found her own friends, and moved on... so I panicked because it was turning out just like high school. I was so sick of sitting in my room doing absolutely nothing! I'd grab a good book and go sit outside by the volleyball court.. and try to read. I remember a guy coming up to me and asking me if i wanted to play volleyball... too stunned by the offer, i got up and went to play...

That's how I met the group of friends that I have now. Volleyball became a daily thing, and I needed it to truly make a crappy day better. Eventually I was going out with these guys, and having a great time, making new friends, and forgetting about my past completely. As that semester passed, I had made new friends outside the group that I could actually relate to. In college, the only thing that is remotely like high school is that some friends you are closer to than others.  Out of the original group I hung out with, I am only now close to: Nick, Matt, Jason, and Aaron. 

College has brought out a new Angie, that I haven't seen in years! Through my classes.. i have gained more confidence, strength, and capability of putting myself out there whether rejection happens or not. No one should count college out quite yet. High school is NOT the best time of your life, you can't reach your full potential when you're being told what to do.

I'm glad that I worked up the courage to enroll in Alfred State... It has so far been the best decision of my life! I wouldn't change anything for the world if it meant that I'd end up here. Above my past, above the bullshit, and most importantly, above the person that used to think I'd never amount to anything. 

And.....i'm gone.. =)

Bout damn time that high school is over.. i've been waiting for four years to be out of this hell whole. Ive definitely been different than other people, so my family tells me anyway. Ive been ready to go into the workforce for a while now.
I have my life planned out for me now, and i'm so ready to follow through with it now. I have Derek, the Army, and family and thats all i'll need. I guess i am kinda scared because someday i will realize that high school was actually easy. But missing it is a whole different story.. it just isn't happening.  I've been through too much in this damn school, enough to the point where people wouldnt believe half the shit thats gone on. But on that note =P.. I havent been this happy in a long time. I have my confidence back and i am not lettin shit get to me anymore.  I have my friends, and i have a head on my shoulders so life will hopefully work itself out for me.

I'm just done with bullshit drama that wont even matter anymore. idk, just too happy to care about little things anymore, if it doesnt have anything to do with me then dont count on me bein there to be a part of it. Im more than ready to move on, and forget high school totally.

Hahaha oh i think im gunna regret being this hyper, oh well.. i got me some coffee now... muahaha
 *Bug's life =D*

Disappointed

Everything in my life is this way, that way, up, down and side to side. its a confusing mess. And honestly, i'm about ready to give up on everything. My last post turned out to be nothing at all, and i still dont know how to feel about that. I went to drill last weekend, and i did have fun, but i cant help but feel like i'm missing something, and i dont know what it is.    Things in my life are turning to crap, and sometimes i wish i could hit the rewind button and restart my life.

Dont get me wrong, i have alot of good things going for me right now, but i have just as many bad things going on also. I dont know if i really want to explain it, but alot of my past is catching up to me. i feel like ive been running from something that is too inevitable. My family and friends have always been there to support me, but i dont feel like anyone has truely understood me. I want a life where i can completely forget what high school was like and the people in it. This is not something i want anyone to take personal, its just things that have happened in my past. Ive been ready for over a year to leave this place, and should have when i had the chance, but then again, if i had then i wouldnt be with Derek right now.

Thats why i'm slowly pulling away from everyone i know, because they remind me too much of the past. Yeah, i know, you cant run from your past, because it catches up to you, but i have a chance to restart my life, and im going to do so. Wether or not i have to start over and make new friends. People are suppose to look back on high school as one of the easiest things they've ever done, because it is easy. But not me, high school has been one of the worst things in my life. I'll never look back and wish i was still here, because everything in this school has messed up my high school career. I'm done caring about high school, and almost all the people in it. I'm done and ready to start a new life.

Didnt want to go anyways =p

Well as it seems, my military future is going to be put on hold for a little while.. *sigh* i guess its kind of a good thing because i didnt really want to go, i just felt that i needed to get a stable future for myself, and really.. thats not a good reason for joining the military knowing that you cant handle it and would probably fail anyway.

I know y'all are probably curious on how i could put my military career on hold, well all i gotta say is that 9 months from now, it wont just be me and Derek anymore. =/ yeah, you guessed it. I'm pregnant.. i still dont have the 'proof' i am, but at this point in time i dont need it. Yeah you guys are probably thinking "why would she post this on her blog?" Well its to let people know that its very easy to mess up a future in the military, but im not upset over it. Derek is still going in the military, and ill be home barefoot in the kitchen with a baby on my hip.. truthfully thats been my dream from the start.

I could have probably made it in the military, but it wasnt something i really wanted to do. it was only to get a collage fund out of it... which people.. seriously dont do it only for college, because i know someone that did and he absolutely hates being in the Army. As for me, i know that i have an okay future ahead of me. Its not what my family wants, but you gotta work with what God gives ya. and hey.. im still okay. Oh and fyi, i'm not ashamed of being pregnant, i dont care what people say, and frankly people that arent ashamed of what people think are the people with the most heart and the biggest pair of balls =p.

*Bug&Peguins 4ever* =D

People....suck

All i really want to say is that i cant wait to be done with the people in high school...
Everyone is so fake and immature. if there was a grow up button for people, i'd gladly help
push that stupid fucking button for them.

As soon as i walk across that damn stage, i will be gone forever... thank God! i just wish people would take the time to think before the say something to people. When you know you can filter your mouth, but choose not to, then you know your just like every other annoying person in this damn world.

People dont change and will never change, there are 40 year olds who act like they're in high school. All you gotta do is watch your back and dont trust a damn person with things that they WILL use against you.

nothing personal here, just stating facts and cant wait to be done with EVERYONE, in this damn school.. except Derek of course. =) k... thats my rant

Big steps =)

So yesterday i went to Fort Drum to "check in" cause thats where i'll be stationed. Its HUGE up there. My recruiter and I spent an hour getting lost.. fun right? nope. So i got fitted for my acu's. and also my dress greens. Now i just need my head fitted for a hat.  I felt so out of place being a new soldier without a uniform. Everywhere i went i saw soldiers and then family of soldiers who are on active duty.

Thats what brings me to my next topic. I have recently swayed Derek to join the Army with me. Recently as in today lmao =). Hes going to be doing active duty, and i am Reserve. So the plan is, that were getting married this summer. So far we only have the date set which is July 20th. =).  My plans are to save up from my summer job and get my dress, our license, and my family will help with wedding bands. Yes, some of you are like "get married out of high school? are you FUCKING NUTS!?>.<"  The answers yes. like i said in an earlier post. I do honestly love Derek, and hes someone that i share alot in common with so my question to you is why not?

Once we are married, i will be stationed with him, so we both will do alot of traveling, and then once we get out, we'll be able to get a house and get remarried. Yes yes sounds that easy in words right? well... its not, but were both willing to put up with each others shit all the time, i mean we live together, we dont get a break from each other except in school. So joining the Army will give us that distance time we need, and we will still be together.. make sense?... good =).

Im definietly stoaked to be in the Army Reserve. I have a wonderful future ahead of me, and i get to do what i love doing, which is playing with guns. I live by routine, and take direction very well, so i think i'll do very well in the Army. =D

Army Reserves

If you dont already know, i am going into the Army Reserves. i missed a day of school yesterday so that i could take my physical for it and get sworn in. The proccess is HORRIBLE!!, you get a full physical, and the doctors there are civilians, so they are trying as hard as they can to disqualify you from the military? Why would they do this you ask?.... beats me. But i qualified, and i am now enlisted in the Army.

i never knew quite why i wanted to enlist, it just seemed like a really awesome thing to do. i love guns alot, and i cant wait to be training with weapons of all kinds. =) i cant wait to learn my rifle inside and out, and we are timed at how fast we'll be able to take our rifles apart, clean them, and then put them back together. I cant wait for that challenge... but there is one obstacle that is going to terrify me to death (well, i hope not death). thats the Grenade... i hate explosives, and i am so afraid to go near them. What i'm hoping to get out of this, is the safety and proper use of Grenades, that way i dont blow myself to smitherines.  

i dont know how long i really want to enlist for, but my contract says 8 years, and i am okay with that. Basic training is every future soldiers biggest fear, we all want to pass it and have our parents see us graduate. There is no doubt in my mind that i will try my hardest to do so.. Oh and interesting fact here:
* I am the only woman from homer enlisting in the military!!*
          -I highly recommend women that love weapons and are not afraid to get down and dirty to think about the military!!

ok, thats my rant =D