College Experiences

                 I have no idea where to begin, so i guess.. I'll go as far back as I can recall.

        My elementary years for school were the absolute best. I didn't have to worry about anything.. all of my friends were still genuine friends, and I could still be my complete self around everyone..   Given I was a bit of a bully in elementary school, I got what was coming to me in the years to follow. 

     At the time, I had many friends, I was a straight A student, and my family was still my whole entire world. As time passed, and everyone around me, including myself changed, others became fake, and I became lost. All of the friends that I thought I had, completely turned their back on me.  
I didn't know how to feel about that, or who to talk to.. so I didn't. 

Middle school was the worst two years of my life. I had barely any friends, but was grateful for the ones I did have. I was entering the stage of wanting a boyfriend, but had no clue who i really liked, or who I thought was even "cute." I use to really love school, but at that point, all I wanted to do is run as far as I could from that school. 

High school wasn't much better, in fact it was worse! Given, I made new friends, and kept old ones... it just felt like one big lie. Everyone around me were so fake that I still felt trapped.. so i gave in and allowed myself to conform to the group.  I got myself into alot of tight spots because I wasn't sure who was the best to hang out with. The people that I thought were genuinely my friend were just really good at putting on faces. I started to sit back and watch at how fake the whole situation was... it was overwhelming. People crying because their boyfriend didn't call them, or people making big deals of having a principle that caught them making out in hallways. It was all very immature, and yes I have been apart of the immaturity. Though I could have changed my behavior, I was afraid of having people judge me, and left my voice behind. Sometimes I wish that I could go back and let every thought, opinion, judgement out, because eventually everyone would find out that I was right the whole time. 

I was so terrified that college was going to be the same, that everyone was going to be extremely fake, that I didn't enroll right away. I took a year off... thought about joining the military. Backed out like a twit... and then enrolled to Alfred State College.
The night before I doomed myself here... I hoped that something happened where I had to stay a few more days.. or just not go. 

But sure enough, the next morning I found myself lugging my stuff into the truck and on the road here before I could understand fully what was happening. New people and new places are just more ways that I could be shunned, and looked down on, and i wasn't ready for that. When we got here, my anxiety was through the roof. I hoped that my roommate wouldn't be annoyed by me, and that we could at least get along. 

Sure enough, she was great! Always so polite and very dorky.. just like me! The best part of being at college, is that no one knows you.. not one of these people grew up with you, they don't know the cruel things said about you in high school. Though, the first few days.. i barely left my room because I was too frightened.  My roommate eventually found her own friends, and moved on... so I panicked because it was turning out just like high school. I was so sick of sitting in my room doing absolutely nothing! I'd grab a good book and go sit outside by the volleyball court.. and try to read. I remember a guy coming up to me and asking me if i wanted to play volleyball... too stunned by the offer, i got up and went to play...

That's how I met the group of friends that I have now. Volleyball became a daily thing, and I needed it to truly make a crappy day better. Eventually I was going out with these guys, and having a great time, making new friends, and forgetting about my past completely. As that semester passed, I had made new friends outside the group that I could actually relate to. In college, the only thing that is remotely like high school is that some friends you are closer to than others.  Out of the original group I hung out with, I am only now close to: Nick, Matt, Jason, and Aaron. 

College has brought out a new Angie, that I haven't seen in years! Through my classes.. i have gained more confidence, strength, and capability of putting myself out there whether rejection happens or not. No one should count college out quite yet. High school is NOT the best time of your life, you can't reach your full potential when you're being told what to do.

I'm glad that I worked up the courage to enroll in Alfred State... It has so far been the best decision of my life! I wouldn't change anything for the world if it meant that I'd end up here. Above my past, above the bullshit, and most importantly, above the person that used to think I'd never amount to anything.